I got discharged at 1pm on Friday and just now at 10:27pm on Sat can I say I am functioning. This treatment went over better than the last one but wiped me out physically and emotionally. I wish I could really explain to people how the chemo makes me feel. It wipes me out so bad that Jared has to move my legs to the side of the bed for me to get up and lift me to my feet. Then never mind me not being able to move...try being a mother to your first child and not even being able to have him sit on your lap never mind hold. I cry more about things like that than having Cancer in general. I walked in from the hospital and to see Coles eyes light up like fireworks and the smile that came over his face was the most amazing feeling then it quickly turned to tears.. I should not have to be away from my son for weeks at a time and I should not cry because he is excited to see me I should be crying for someone to take him away from me because I need a break..lol I feel like he grew so much in the last week hes up on all fours rocking away...and it takes him a second to just roll from one side of the room to the other. he is developing at such a rapid speed im am scared to blink.
As for a health update since I am home my pain in at about 1-2 I am wearing a patch for the pain so who knows what I am really at for pain I went into the ER on Friday with pain of about an 12...they gave me some heavy meds and was at a 3 in seconds.. I had a scan done to see what was going on with the pain and the tumor had grown so the last treatment didnt work. They admitted me right away and started a new chemo and with fingers crossed this one will work.. While on this chemo I did get a rash for about two days but it was not bad.. I also ended up with thrush mouth which is so nasty and everything tastes bad and i have a white fuzzy coating over the inside of my mouth. I also woke up this morning having a hard time moving had to have Jared bathe and dress me all while passing out on him but he did good and my mother and him had me up and moving off Dana Farber we went and got my shoot that helps boost my white cells.. I didn't need the shoot the last round of chemo and I found that getting it really makes a huge difference because tonight I already feel a little better where as the last treatment I couldn't get moving for days.
As of now I wait to hear from my doctor some time next week on when they will scan me again and hopfully they will know if I have a donor or not as well...Thank you to all of you that came to visit, sent cards, made food and helped out this past week..
god bless you all!
D
So the biggest thing I can relate to with your latest blog is how as a Mother with Cancer, I cry more about what I am not able to do with my son, how much time I am missing with my son, how allll the things we used to do I haven't been able to, how it's a struggle to just do simple tasks with him or for him and so on and son on...so I get it, I get it big time, and I can finally say, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I can literally feel your pain with this part of the process. Our cancers may be different in so many ways, but being young mothers with little boys who need their Mom is the same. I worry about my son more than I worry about me. He is the reason I push to act and look as normal as I possibly can every day...while crying on the inside. So...in summary...I GET IT.
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