Chemo is DONE..

Hooray to be done with Chemo!!!!  Now on to the next step of radiation...the next few days are going to be the hardest twice a day for four days...I wish I could go into it not feeling sick but this round of chemo has left me very nauseous. One day at a time I guess.

I have got to Skype with Cole and if anyone else would like to Skype when I am feeling up to it just let me know...

Good night to all and thank your for the prayers and positive energy sent my way.

Danielle

Cord Blood Transplant

I don't even know where to begin to explain how serious this next step is.....The doctor said to me if I don't do this transplant I will die! Some where in the back of my mind I did have that thought but to hear him say that to me really put things at a new prospective.  I will be going in on May 12th (Jared's Birthday) to start the conditioning process of the transplant. I will have two ports put into my chest the surgery takes about 2 hours and they are place in my chest above each breast and connected to a main artery near my heart. I will then have two lines coming off of each port so 4 total lines.. each line will be used for something different...One for pain medication, one for chemo, one for nutrition and one for blood draws and the cord blood infusion.  When I am ready to come home one line will be removed and one will stay since I have to go back to Dana Faber 2 a week for a few months for follow ups...
     Once the lines are placed I will begin another round of chemotherapy for three days.  On Monday the 16th I will begin full body radiation. I am not thrilled about this radiation process I will be very ill during this whole week. I will be having 4 days of the radiation twice a day, the radiation is needed to wipe out all my blood counts and any left over lymphoma tumors.. The radiation is the hardest part of this whole process there are a lot of side effects such as fevers, rashes, nausea, vomiting and mouth sores.  They say if I can get through the preconditioning its all up hill from there as long as I follow everything I am supposed to do.
     On Thursday May 20th I will have my cord blood transplant and can you all believe that it's my Papa's Birthday that day....I cried when the doctor gave me the date it makes me feel so safe and I feel like he is really watching over me. The transfusion of the cord blood stem cells takes about 20 minutes. They will be using two different cord bloods the reason I need two is because the cords don't have a lot of stem cells like adult donors do.  So once the transplant is done its a waiting game it could take anywhere from 10 to 30 days for the new stem cells to take over my existing immune system.  During this time I will be in the hospital they are thinking about 5-6 weeks in the hospital and while I am in there I have a lot for things I must do like get up and walk, I have to force myself to eat even though I am not going to want to, I have to remain positive and focus on getting healthy.
       So I will remain in the hospital until all my blood counts are back at a normal range then as long as I am off the feeding tube and eating and drinking on my own they will let me go home..Then that is where I learn to live my new life style..I will not be allowed to have visitors in my home for 3 months if it is nice out I am allowed to sit out side with visitors. I will not be able to go into public places for 12 months like mall, food shopping and restaurants.  I am allowed to go in the ocean but I must keep covered from the sun..The doctor says that the transplant it self is not what could kill me its the chance of me getting sick within the first 6-8 months.. So please if you plan on visiting or being around anyone that I live with make sure you are not sick or have been around anyone sick..
      To talk numbers they say that if I don't do transplant 100% chance I will die.. Then there is a 30% chance I could die from transplant. No doubt about it i am doing it...doctor says that if I can get through the next 2 years and the lymphoma doesn't show up then I should be in the clear.. He believes that since my lymphoma is so aggressive if it is going to reoccur it will be in the first 1-2 years.

I know that was a lot to read but I wanted you all to know what was going on and although when it is talked about it really doesn't seem like its going to be that bad but this is very serious and my doctor could not stress it enough to me so I am stressing it to all of you.. I am trying to keep a positive mind like I have for the last six months but I'm not going to lie I'm scared, nervous and worried about the whole thing.. I have learned a lot about myself over the last few months and I have learned a lot about my body and it has endured more then one person should ever have to endure I just hope it reacts well to the next step because my body is once thing I have no control over no matter how positive I am.

I know you have all been praying for me and I cant thank you enough..I have learned that there are so many good people in the world I cant wait to some day give back.. Please over the next few weeks pray harder, send more positive energy and thoughts my way.. I will be very ill and not on the computer much but when I can I will try to have Jared update if I can't.. I love you all and god bless

xoxo
Danielle

Maybe the last round of chemo

Here we are the end of April already can you even believe it?  I was scanned this morning while I am here at BWH getting chemo and my fingers are crossed that this scan comes out good.  If the scan is clear or shows 70% shrinkage of the tumors then we are on for the May 9th transplant.  I will be meeting with my transplant doctor on May 4th to discuss all the details of what my family and I need to do for preparation.  I feel pretty good this round of chemo, I did get a little sick and vomit this time but only for one day and I guess milk products don't really work during the chemo. I have been very positive through this cycle and barely got depressed. I have my mind set on the next 2 months that I have to get through it, its going to be tough and I'm going to have to battle it one day at a time.

I would like to thank everyone that has been doing fundraisers...I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you all in my life.. You have all gone above and beyond and the responses to all these fundraisers have been so overwhelming...I hope some day I can pay it forward....

Here is a link to an article that was written up about me and all the fundraisers happening over the next few weeks..

http://m.newburyportnews.com/TDNN/pm_103107/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=LNI5ds77

Also the Texas Roadhouse on Rt 1 May 11th from 4-10pm will be donating 10% off your bill if you bring in a flyer...

June 11th there will be a comedy night at the Italian Club in Peabody there will be 7 different stand up acts tickets are $20 and all ticket sales go to the Danielle Yagjian Fund..

If you have any questions about the events please contact me...

God Bless
Danielle

Theres no place like home theres no place like home theres no place like home

I thought my title would be appropriate for this since i am sitting here watching the wizard of oz... I'm sure everyone knows that this Chemo is really kicking my butt when you don't see me on the computer for over two weeks.. I wish I had the energy to even open my laptop but I cant even get my ass out of bed.. When i am home it takes all the strength i have to get up even though I hear Cole crying I cant even get up if i wanted to thank god for my mother and grandmother who take  care of him daily, I don't know what i would do if i didn't have them... They are so great with him and it means the world to me that Cole is getting to really spend alot of time with his great grandmother its not that often a child gets that and she was such an important part of my life growing up.

I get to go home in the morning fingers crossed I have not had a fever in over 12 hours and my blood counts are climbing quickly...I will get to be home for 6 days then back here again for chemo on Monday.. I am very excited that I will get to be home with my family for Easter! This will be my last round of this chemo and then I will have a scan...Then off the transplant I go May 9th....its really start to set in that its around the corner and I know its going to be the worst 6 weeks of my life but you know what I thought the last 6 months have been the worse and I have made it through that...Just taking things one day a time and if i have to give up this year of my life to live another 40 then I can deal with it..

Thank you to every one for the food you have brought over the last two weeks I know I am slacking with the thank you cards bad....Also thanks a ton for the positive thoughts, prayers and love!

XOXO
Danielle

Chemo - Day 1

Here we go again, I am all checked in at hotel Brigham and Womens..lol  I will begin chemo tonight around 8pm and be here until Saturday afternoon.  I have received information from my stem cell doctor this week that they do NOT have an adult match for me, but they do have 2 cord blood matches which I was told is a miracle.  I know so many of you have offered to be checked as a match but unless you are Italian, Portuguese, french and Indian with the same blood type and tissue type there is no way you would match.  There are 15 million people in the donor bank and no one matched me, which why would they this whole process has not been easy for me so why start now.. At least I have some type of match..So your probably asking what the difference is between the two...well with the cord blood transplants its a much longer healing process.  The cells are immature cells and don't know how to fight off any infections where as adult cells already know the difference between good and bad cells and know how to fight.  I will now be in the hospital for 6 weeks during transplant which sucks because I will not be allowed to see Cole thank god for technology these days!!!  Also the recovery time takes longer and I will not be allowed back out into public for 8-12 months! I am currently scheduled for the week of May 9th for transplant as long as my next scan which will be in about 2 weeks shows less than 70% of tumors...I will keep you all posted as I receive more information.

Don't forget this Sunday 10-6pm Backstage Hair Studio in Peabody, ma will be having a Cut-A-Thon to help raise money for The Danielle Yagjian Fund.....Thank you to all the girls for your support!

Am I coming or going?

The last few days have been very tiresome for me.  Since my last round of chemo I was feeling beyond tired and having a really hard time taking care of Cole, I went in on Thursday for my follow up appointment with my doctor and my counts were so low they could not believe I was even walking.  So I had to go over to infusion and have my first blood transfusion (2 bags) and a bag of platelets...I was emotional and tried not to get worked up but I knew that at this point my body has finally been beaten up and can't produce on its own so I felt weak... So after I was supposed to have an hour appointment and left my poor Nana with Cole, we didn't get home til about 7 hours later and I was running a fever and tried everything I could to sleep and relax to get it to go down and of course not.. SOO back to the ER we went at 8pm and they admitted me and gave me more fluids and some antibiotics.  I was told they would keep me and start another round of the chemo asap.. then a few hours later they told me I could go home for the weekend because my counts have improved so fast.. Then I was told to come in for platelets on Sunday then they said never mind.. As of now I am waiting to hear from my doctor on Monday and if I don't I go in on Wednesday for more blood work and will start another round of chemo right away.. I feel like I have been tossed around and my mind is all over the place with all the doctors I wish my doctor would just deal with me when I am in the hospital not his team.

On a side note just a little venting ... I have enough doctors telling me what I need to be doing I don't need anyone else telling me what I should or shouldn't be eating, cleaning, touching, wearing or where I should or shouldn't be going...I'm telling you living back with my mom, Jeff and Nana has been a huge help with everything but there are people in and out all the time, I am never alone and I cant take the constant nagging...I enjoyed the few days I spent in the hospital how bad is that?!!?!?

Day 1 at home

I got discharged at 1pm on Friday and just now at 10:27pm on Sat can I say I am functioning. This treatment went over better than the last one but wiped me out physically and emotionally.  I wish I could really explain to people how the chemo makes me feel.  It wipes me out so bad that Jared has to move my legs to the side of the bed for me to get up and lift me to my feet. Then never mind me not being able to move...try being a mother to your first child and not even being able to have him sit on your lap never mind hold. I cry more about things like that than having Cancer in general. I walked in from the hospital and to see Coles eyes light up like fireworks and the smile that came over his face was the most amazing feeling then it quickly turned to tears.. I should not have to be away from my son for weeks at a time and I should not cry because he is excited to see me I should be crying for someone to take him away from me because I need a break..lol I feel like he grew so much in the last week hes up on all fours rocking away...and it takes him a second to just roll from one side of the room to the other.  he is developing at such a rapid speed im am scared to blink.

As for a health update since I am home my pain in at about 1-2 I am wearing a patch for the pain so who knows what I am really at for pain I went into the ER on Friday with pain of about an 12...they gave me some heavy meds and was at a 3 in seconds.. I had a scan done to see what was going on with the pain and the tumor had grown so the last treatment didnt work.  They admitted me right away and started a new chemo and with fingers crossed this one will work.. While on this chemo I did get a rash for about two days but it was not bad.. I also ended up with thrush mouth which is so nasty and everything tastes bad and i have a white fuzzy coating over the inside of my mouth. I also woke up this morning having a hard time moving had to have Jared bathe and dress me all while passing out on him but he did good and my mother and him had me up and moving off Dana Farber we went and got my shoot that helps boost my white cells.. I didn't need the shoot the last round of chemo and I found that getting it really makes a huge difference because tonight I already feel a little better where as the last treatment I couldn't get moving for days.

As of now I wait to hear from my doctor some time next week on when they will scan me again and hopfully they will know if I have a donor or not as well...Thank you to all of you that came to visit, sent cards, made food and helped out this past week..
god bless you all!
D

Day 4 of New Chemo

I thought before I lay down to take a nap and get some rest I would get the emotions out..a cleansing of sorts.  Yesterday I was in great spirits and today not so much, its funny how each day is so different from the next.  I have had a lot of visitors through this chemo which has been great and has kept me going strong. Then there are the moments that nothing can keep me together like now..I tried so hard to get through all my visitors this morning without crying but the gates opened on poor Amanda..(sorry) Since she left about 2 hours ago I have not stopped. I have cried through my lunch, talking to my mother, talking to my nurse and even the chaplain.

I'm guessing I hold everything in too much and I know you have all told me to just let it out and that you will all be here for me to cry with but that's not what I want. I don't want to cry with my friends due to cancer, I want to cry with my friends due to laughter. I don't want to have people feel bad or feel the pain I feel I want them to only take the good of me with them not the bed.  I have always been the one to add the fun to the party and make light of the situation. So I am just going to ask you all tonight as you all go to bed whether you are religious or not please pray for me i feel like I need a lift and if everyone is all doing it at around the same time it will be even stronger for me..

Thank you
xoxo
D

Pain x10

I woke up in pain about 4 days ago and knew right away that the tumor was still there. The doctor gave me some pain meds and I ended up getting very sick.  The pain took over and I ended up throwing up from 8:30am on Friday morning til about 2:30pm.. I called the doctor and he suggested we go right to the ER so we did.. I have been on some heavy pain meds now through IV every 2 hours and I am waking up in intense doubled over pain..I had a new scan done and it shows that I have another new growth and the existing tumor has grown.. So I will be starting a new chemo cycle at 8pm tonight and hopefully get this tumor under control.  I will be in the hospital until Thursday hoping everything goes well..Thank you all for the love and support..I will try to keep everyone posted but as you know if I am not on FB then I am sick.

Danielle

A good week

I figured I would blog about having a good weekend.. Who wants to always hear that I don't feel good I know I don't.  So I figured I would tell you all how I felt about 90%.  Jared and I have pretty much got the condo all cleared out just a few more things to move and we are done.. Being back at my mothers has already lifted alot of stress for the both of us.  I hate that we had to spend weekend moving instead of enjoying each others company but I want everything done before I go back in for my next treatment.

We did get to go out to dinner with my mom and Jeff. Cole got to experience is first Japanese Hibachi dinner, which he loved.  We also had a visit from Candace, Rudy and Miss Hannah. Then today we were all finally feeling better after a strain of some cold/sinus/stomach bug went through the house, so we got to finally meet our new nephew Jackson Soep!

I also did something new things this weekend.  On Friday night I went for my first acupuncture treatment.  You would think that I would want to stay away from the needles seeing that I am getting stabbed with all the treatments and blood work I have to do, But this is different and I am willing to try anything I can to stay on the healthy, stress free track.  I will be going twice a week to help with the nausea, metal taste I get get during and after chemo and sleep.

Today I also went to church with my Nana which is something I have not done in a long time and with everything going on right now I feel the need to turn back to my faith.  I found it to be soulfully rewarding and Father Bob was very kind and welcoming, he blessed me and added me to the church prayer list.  I plan on attending church from here on out and looking forward to sharing Sunday mornings with my Nana and visiting the cemetery to chat with Papa.

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend as well and again thank you all for the prayers, love, support and positive energy...

Love
Danielle

Oh and I also wanted to add that Backstage Hair Studio : 38 Washington Street, Peabody  will be having a "Cut a thon" on Sunday April 10th from 10-6 to help raise money for me to pay my medical bills...It will be a $20 donation They will also be raffling off a large gift basket which will include shampoo, conditioner, pro blow dryer, flat iron, mini flat iron, hot rollers, shower cap, hair brush, comb, teasing comb and spray. Tickets will be $10 each and winner will be drawn at 6pm on April 10th.  Please call the salon 978-532-9449 to make an appointment.....If I am not in the hospital I will be planning on being there!  Thank you to Kristen and all the girls who will be participating ...YOU ROCK!

I've earned this bald head

So after many months of just letting it fall out I gave in...Embrace the bald head that I have earned.. The best thing about it all is that my husband came home and told me it looks so much better and for those of you who really know Jared..he says "it turns him on even more!" LOL..  So thank you so much to Krysten Williams for coming over and spending the whole day with me and shaving me bald.  It was great to chat and catch up on things and realize that we have alot more in common than we thought.  She has been such an amazing supporter for me over the last few months and donations she has collected have far exceeded all my expectations.

Home sweet home

Well it 5:40am and I can't sleep I got home last night at 7:30pm.. This was one of the most toughest weeks yet..Due to the Chemo being 10x stronger than the last stuff i was so ill I didnt eat or drink anything for two days which caused my kidneys to slow down and i became dehydrated.. I have come to terms with emotions at this point as well and have broke down a few times.  Deep in my heart I know I am going to make it through this its just the fight at this point which is making we weak..

The tough part is looking at myself in the mirror because the reflection I see is not me....and every time I look at myself I feel like a piece of me is dying.. the first day I walked in Dana Farber and saw a girl about my age who was bald and wearing her mask and hat I prayed that I would not get that far into and well the reality has set it.. I am a Cancer patient.. I the looks are all vanity but you only feel as good as you look and right now I look like shit!!

At this point I have the next two weeks off then I am back in there again for one more treatment and now that I know what to expect it makes it 10x harder for me...So I will build up the strength i need and i will get through it with a little help from my friends!!

love you  all
Danielle

Day 2 of shrinking this new tumor

It's 6:50am and the thought of me getting some rest and sleep while I was in here was just a crazy idea.  The out-paient process of chemo is so much easier at least you get to leave and not have some one in checking and poking you every hour. I was up every hour to have vitals done and use the restroom and be asked 50 questions.  The nurse was very sweet and made sure I knew what was going on at all times which was nice.  Here is a photo of my lovely IVs and chemo machine incase some of you dont know what it looks like.


I am feeling ok overall not really feeling ill which is great just very tired. The pain I have been dealing with in my lower left side was off and on through the night but not even close to how it was feeling a few days ago.. I have been a trooper and only taken the pain meds once since I got here because I want to feel what my body is doing and if the pain starts easing up that means this tumor is shrinking, I like to be in tune with my body not let the medicine take over.

Then emotions I'm having at this point I must say are not what I thought they would be.  I am feeling strong and confident.  The messages I have received from everyone keep me pushing forward and make me feel like I have no other way to think but positive.

Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in this life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from. ~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Starting next stage of Chemo

Its about 2:45pm and I have my IV in and waiting for my chemo to brought in.  So far all the nursing staff has been great and I am ready to just get the ball rolling and get out out of here in the 36 hours.  I will be staying in the hospital for this round of chemo unlike my last treatments I got to go home and be with Cole.   This will be a very difficult few days but knowing Cole is in great hands with family and friends I am not too concerned.  My goal is for this all to go by as quick as possible so that he will not have any memory of his mother being ill!

I know I have a rough year ahead of me but I am ready to do what it takes and if I have to give up one year of my life to get 60 more years then I am willing to do whatever it takes..My Papa is right here by my side and looking down on me and I have learned from him how to be strong and I will get through this.

I am overwhelmed with all the calls, texts, emails, gifts, love and support from everyone.. It is great to have people reach out that I have not seen or talked to in over 10 years and know that when the times get tough people are there right by your side when you need it the most and it makes going through something like this a little easier to know that I have done good things in my life and have treated people in such a way that they want to reach out and help me and I hope I can continue to be an inspiration for everyone..

A dear friend one said to me that "Everything in life happens for a reason"  and there is never a negative in life its just something that leads you to the positive....